Professor Albert's Celebrity Scoop

4 Million and getting BIGGER!

2009-07-27T15:12:00.000-07:00

Hello Dere my Fans!

I just vant to tank you all for pushing my videos over the 4 MILLION mark! Yes, 4 million of you crazy fans have looked at my handsome face and maybe even giggled. I vant to tank you all for being dere even though I have been unable to get my videos out due to my Motivational Music Career. I have been touring da vurld for da last 9 months sharing my very special motivational musical messages vith you all. And you still logged on to vatch me! I must be very sexy. Yes, tank you! Tank you.

In 3 veeks I end my vurld tour and I will be back doing da most vunderful and sexy music videos and celebrity scoops!

I love you all!

Very truly yours,

Professor Albert

What has Happened to Celebrity?

2009-06-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

Hello my fans,

I am so sorry dat I have been away touring vith my motivational music. I vill be back soon to do more videos vith you.

It is so upsetting of late dat dere is no good and juicy celebrity news. Everyone is so boring and nobody is da true trashed out celebrity of yesteryear.

So my commitment to you is dis. I AM GOING TO BE TRASHED OUT CELEBRITY. I am going to let myself out and compete with da Britney Spears of last year, and all da other TRAMPS and you know vats!

It is time dat the vurld gets some Celebrity ACTION! oh yes, and me too!

Your truly,

Professor Albert

Vhy don't people talk about dere Problems?

2008-02-08T17:47:00.000-08:00

Vhy don't people in da relationships talk about dere problems? Vhy is dat so hard? If you can talk, you can vurk it out. But da reason people don't talk is --- people ah scared to be open and honest and to talk for dat dey feel dat dey may lose something so dey don't talk.

And den dey lose everyting!

Now as you know, I am a Motivational Music Superstar, a Celebrity Commentator and Da Vurld's Sexiest Man, but I am also a CELEBRITY RELATIONSHIP COUNSELOR. In odda vurds, I am a Relationship SHRINKO!

Ven are you afraid to tell da truth about vat is really going on? Most of da time, right?

So get out of dat relationship, or learn how to talk. NUff SAID! it is not so hard, so stop making it dat vay!!!!

Vere are all da smart presidential candidates?

2008-01-14T16:49:00.000-08:00

Hello dere,

Sorry for being avay. I was in Spain, touring my motivational music. Ven I came back here I happened upon a Presidential Debate and all I saw vas blah blah blah. Everyone was saying tings dat are half true BECAUSE DEY VANT TO BE ELECTED!

"Oh yes, I believe that all people are equal but Gays and Lesbians should have Civil Unions not Marriages because my faith does not support gays and Lesbians being married." (sort of quoted from Barack Obama) WHO THE HECKOLA cares about vat your faith believes"?

If you believe all people are equal stand by your GOD DAMNED F -ing beliefs! if not, you are just a hypocrite like all da odda politicians. Poo Poo.

But he is not the only one, dey are all vafflers changing and reframing dere beliefs to get people to vote. Vhy don't you just be who you ah and see vat happens. Risk being truly authentic. But no, all ve get is..... BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

Brady Bunch Lesbians!

2007-09-23T15:32:00.000-07:00

Oh my Got! Maureen McCormick, who vas Marcia on da Brady Bunch has leaked to the press dat she had a lesbian affair vith JAN BRADY ven dey vere doing da show. Oh my Got! Is dat vild? Check out my latest video on ProfessorAlbert.com and on You Tube!

Could you imagine if da Skipper from Gilligan's Island came out and said dat he was doing da vild ting vith Gilligan!

Oh my Got! Dis Brady ting is similiar. Da TV vurld vill never be da same!

My Two New Dance Videos following the success of U R A CELEBRITY!

2007-08-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

Hello FANS!

Oh MY GOT! Check out my two new DANCE VIDEOS! "Don't GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!" and "LIFE ROCKS!" on my vebsite at ProfessorAlbert.com (da other page you were on Dummy.) I vill have a high DEF Version up of "LIFE ROCKS" soon so you can check out all of da amazing special effects. Oh please know dat da two other Professor Alberts in the video are not my brothers. I am an only child. Ve did dat vith da digital magic. Isn't it fun to see three of such a sexy guy like me?

I have got da most craziest publicity on my new Album. Tank you for your support. IT VILL BE OUT IN SEPTEMBER!

Got to run, uh I mean Dance!

I vill have my September club dates posted soon.

Love you my FANS!

Professor Albert (who is REALLY IN DA HOUSE NOW!)

My NEW DANCE SINGLE! Don't miss it!

2007-08-12T17:39:00.000-07:00

Hello dere, my fans. My new dance single "U R A CELEBRITY!" is out. Check out da video on YouTube or my vebsite.

Please go and buy it for I need da money. I can't sell theories anymore. Dey have become a dime a dozen in dis information age. So please go and buy my single.

Da Album "Professor Albert: You R A Celebrity" should be out in September.

Thank you for your continued support and keep smiling!

Love to you all,

Professor Albert

Stupid is da new Sexy! OY!

2007-08-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

Vell, it is true. Stupid is da new Sexy. Every sexy celebrity today is STUPID, or at least da young new ones. Yes, I know dat ve like da stupid vomen but sometimes it is nice to talk to a celebrity after you have dem in da sack. Sometimes you don't vant to talk about jail time, or hating your mother or your father, or rehab or how you have gotten so fat and turned into vite trash!

Vere are da young sexy celebrities vith brains? Vuns dat vill know how to tickle your fancy in vays dat are new and fun?

Please let me know if you find any sexy smart ladies and send dem my phone number. 1 - 800 - Professor-Albert.

OY!

Vere are da truly sexy celebrities?

2007-07-29T08:38:00.000-07:00

Vere are da truly sexy celebrities? Right now, ve only have da little stupid girls who are filling up da tabloids vith all of dere stupid exploits and tings. But vere are da vomen, not da little girls. Da vomen who are truly sexy? Back in my youth, ven I was doing all my experiments and tings, I vould take a break from breaking da atom and go to da movies and see sexy stars like Lana Turner, or Rachel Welch, or Sophia Loren. Dese were vomen! Dese vere sexy! Dese vere icons of sexuality and beauty!

Now ve have drunken, stupid girls who get DUI, flip out at photo shoots and go to jail. Vere are the truly beautiful women today?

Please help me out and write back with your comments on who today is truly sexy!

Thank you again for reading and vatching my videos! Go have da good sex!

2007-07-21T18:29:00.000-07:00

Vat is Wrong vith Celebrity Today?

2007-07-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

Oh my Gott! Vat da hell is wrong vith Celebrities today?

Everyvun is scared of scandal. Everyvun has to be politically correct.
So vat if you are caught drunk vith cocaine up your nose vile making love to your boyfriend's father! Don't apologize! Don't!
Vat da hell are you doing? Simply say "Hey I vas partying and I vanted to try someting new!" Who cares about da Media! Who cares about vat people think? Celebrities do not apologize for doing da things dat we want you to do! Ve love it ven you are screwed up. Ve love it ven you do stupid things! Why do you think ve love Paris Hilton so much!